Reasons, Intuitions, Decisions

I never thought that quitting will be an expected word that comes from me. I loudly say that to myself and to anyone who knows me, I never quit --- unless it is needed. This time, it's not about work. It's about a vice that many of us hardly say No, I cannot.

I CANNOT quit smoking. It is part of my independent life, my work stress reliever, my drinking bud, my social life partner. 

I smoke almost everyday. At home, I smoke while cooking, after the meal or when I'm reporting to the Captain Restroom. 

I smoke twice during my break and during lunch times with my guy friends.I smoke before going home.

I smoke so hard when I'm in a drinking session, when meeting with long lost friends.

I smoke so very hard when I quit my day job and concentrated working at home. I smoke to release stress.

Whatever reason behind my smoking career, I'm almost near my Cum Laude stage of Lung Cancer award.

Not until I moved to my parent's house. 

I knew for a fact that upon moving, I will lose my sizzling and smoking friend. 

This is not a decision that I really wanted. I stay here at their place because I need to, not because I want to.

My decision of quitting smoking is not a real decision in my mind. 

My first day of quitting was my first day of staying and moving here -- that's two weeks before December of last year ended.

Up until now, my nicotine-free lifestyle continues by decision. And now, whatever symptoms listed in any quit smoking campains are those things that happened to me, specially Coughing. 

I coughed hard during night and I think it's really hard to quit. I wanted to end coughing as well since it's really hard and shameful to other people. 

I'm crazy to feel bad about really quitting. Do I deserve this? When will it stop? 

I'm quitting already. Quit me.

2011 New Year's Resolution

I have posted two New Year's resolution on my previous blogsite. And since this will be my first New Year's resolution for this blog, I'll make it a point that each and everything that's listed will be followed and achieved. I only have a short list of my 2011 New Year's resolution.

1. My New Year will definitely be celebrated with a BANG! The rest of the year will be celebrated in Malaysia, not my place of interest, but a place full of promises. I just hope that my new job will give me a better advancement in my QA carreer.

2. My online career is not yet over. In fact, while writing this post, my online time is running. Meaning, I'll make sure that 2011 will be more productive on both my online and offline careers. At the moment, I have not accepted any other projects except my regular support job in Technorati and my tattoo rewriting jobs. I am still open for other projects though, if buyers contact me via email :)

3. I will be opening my first eBay store this coming year. All the plans has been set and other things are still in the process and hopefully, before my birthday, my own eBay store will start. =)

4. I am anticipating that my first month in Malaysia will be penny-less because I'm thinking that my first offline salary will come mid-February. When that thing happens, cup noodles are my tummy's lucky savior. My birthday will be affected though, but then again, I won't mind having a luscious noodle feast on my birthday(or sardines) than having an empty stomach for the rest of the year.

5. I will have 2 different travel back to the Philippines to visit Amber. In case you might ask, Amber will definitely visit my place of work - with mom and my family.

6. I'd like to think that my online business will give me more mooohlah. And I'm literally crossing my fingers. I'm thinking of having another business -- offline business that will give me more blessing$$$.

7. I will read two books this year.. Yeah, only two books. Aside from my anticipated busiest year, I think it's better to be lost along with fiction for quite some time, don't you think?

8. Lastly, my bank account will serve as my action plan. I know it's pretty hard to save these days, considering huge increase of market prices. It will serve as my base plan where everything listed from 1-7 will be followed correctly.

Whew! this is kinda impromptu. I watched a local TV special and it says Bagong Taon (New Year) should remove the letter "N" -- it should read as "Bagong Tao" (new person). And yes, I am starting anew.

How about you? Have you written your New Year's resolution this 2011?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone!!!

I know everyone has recovered from sleepless nights, happiest celebration before the year ends. And other people are still waiting for the 12 o'clock tick of the clock to strike. Nevertheless, we all look forward for the year of changes and opportunities.

Last year, I started jobless and started to think of giving home-based jobs a shot. I succeeded. I joined one of the most influential Authority when it comes to blogging - Technorati. It all started with a fixed jobs until I get good feedback from other buyers. I started working for hourly jobs, but I accepted only a few since I still had call center career.

I quit my call center career leaving everything behind even though it promises me another growth, but this time, I wasn't looking for more opportunities with other big players in call center industries. I started accepting more hours, working all the way to my Sucat crib, just all the things I wanted to be with $$$ salary.

Yes, I am still a blogger, but I write for other people. This blog is still my soul book even though it is not updated. And how ironic, I worked for Technorati.

I'll leave for now, for another strolling event with my family and will be back online and update what happened and what will happen this coming fruitful 2011.

How to Achieve Great Abs in 5 MINUTES!

That's always my question -- but then, have I started doing it? NO! I mean, not yet ;)

Well, I found this video shared by a friend in Facebook and I think, I can just watch. It's really hard to lose weight especially if you're working home. For me, I always go out, walking towards the supermarket, instead of commuting. It's better that not doing anything, eh?

If you think you can spend just 5 minutes of your time to do this CRAZY exercise, think again...and watch..

Holy Day!

I admit it's all my fault for not blogging for a looong time! and yes, I can see the gradual changes on my Technorati authority for time to time while checking my Technorati account.

LET ME EXPLAIN WHY I DIDN'T BLOG (in case anyone cares to wonder ;))

1. I've been busy with my online work. I have my ultimate Technorati jobs, rewriting for Celtic tattoo, site content writing for Chen (he has full of ideas, but doesn't know how to spell :P), e-commerce (which takes 60 hours of my time in a week) doing HTML for e-Bay and web design, and another e-Bay project for Peter. Yes, I can spell out the word, BUSY.

2. Aside from my hectic online projects, I spent my time preparing for my daughter's birthday. Yeah, I actually just helped since Mom did almost everything to make it happen.

3. Lastly, I was so stressed out last week for the final verdict, which I actually got. Ssshhh, I won't divulge any information, just yet.

I'll make time, I will make time. That I can promise. This holiday is fast-approaching and I feel excited and at the same time saddened if the 3rd listed above will happen before Christmas.Whew! Whattaday!

Deal with a..

I'm kinda like enjoying the projects I am getting these past few days and dealing with these people from Israel and Portugal are kind and cooperative. They elaborated the projects they asked me to write well and the result - a good relationship plus good content.

I wasn't writing any of those at this time. Oh well, I'm writing my personal blog now but later on today, I'll be working on some other contracts I currently have.

There was this notification I just had earlier before I wrote this. I was speaking to him yesterday and seemed like he used me before declining his offer. Well, I think I dealt with someone who's famous in Social Media although, I'd like to think that the company that I'm working with will give him so much authority - not just yet. Therefore, I could say that apart from having this personal blog which I only do on my spare time (I don't really care if I gain much traffic or not, and who cares?!), I can manipulate not only those people who aimed to be an "expert", but do something better than them.

Warning: Don't mess up with juicypeanut :P

How about my time, Mom?

After my separation with my ex-husband four years ago, I chose to live alone, previously renting a condo unit and now, a small crib.

My mom took care of my daughter, Amber from the time of separation up until now.

My reason of not staying with my daughter? I am working for her needs.

And my personal reason is freedom so I can do what I want to do.

Every week, I stayed at my mom's place to supposedly spend some time with my daughter. Apparently, that didn't happen. Workaholic as I am, I spent almost all my time in front of my laptop, working - if not, playing in Facebook.

Amber is such a sweet baby. She just let me do what I want to do while writing, or drawing, or creating a card for me.I could even count the minutes I spent to talk with my daughter.

Time passed as I work quietly from home. I was knocked down by realization.

I am missing Amber so much.

I spent time to talk to her on the phone, chatted about kid stuff, what she did in school and what are her favorite subjects. I could sense the happiness in her voice.

I brought her to my place, spent one night bonding together, cooked for her. It almost broke my heart seeing my daughter contented on a simple fried hot dogs as our dinner. She said it was the most delicious meal she had in her life.

I was totally wrong. I became selfish. I haven't thought about my loving daughter who loves me despite the fact that I am away from her. It's not always having a relationship with someone.

It's not always the most expensive toys that matters.

It's not always the money that  I spend with her every week.

It's about the time I lost for almost four years, spending time with the most important person in my life.

I know that there are working moms sharing the same sentiments like I do. We will lose our job anytime. We can be replaced by others if we show our bosses we are not capable of doing something they will ask. Some people will be part of our lives, who would like to share romantic pieces of their history. They'll stay or leave us.

But always remember, there's one person in this world that no matter what we do, what mistakes we have been through, even when you are already incapable of doing something, someone will stay behind your back, hold your hands and will be your number one fan - for me, that's Amber.

October Fate

My younger sister and I have almost the same fate when it comes to relationship - failure. Should I say a failed relationship?

I was once married - technically per se' since I was committed with a married man. I was too young to know that if a man chooses not to live with her legal wife anymore, and his wife chooses to live with another guy, their marriage is null and void. They are still married unless there's a formal court decision.

I married this guy, knowing that her previous marriage will be automatically nulled and voided after 10 years of being physically separated. Our anniversary date was October 5. I left my husband October 8.

My sister was married October 5, too - just to be the same with their anniversary when they were still boyfriends. Her husband left her October 10.

I have no idea how fate brought us a failed October, but I am thinking positively.

It's really hard to cope up when it still hurts, when you cannot think of anything you did wrong but to quit working in the office, choose to stay at home raising your baby while your husband is working overseas.

It's very timely when I woke up with a text message that came from my friend, Mabsi:

"All relationship have one law: NEVER make one you love feel alone especially when you're there"

Very true. We often didn't care at all even if when our partners show their care, their sweetness and thoughtfulness. We think that we will never lose them in the first place. We show them angst, hatred and attitude.

They complain. You complain most of the time, too. But you never listen.

When they lose patience and called a breakup, that's when you run after them. It's childish if you will still act like boyfriends and girlfriends do when you're already married.

It's not an easy breakup to escape your married life. Your husband fails most of the time. Talk to him. You are giving him a hard time with your attitude. Make some adjustment. Compromise.

It's easy to lose someone if you fell out of love. You cannot mend a broken relationship for the sake of your kids.

I used to think about that too. I want a big happy family. I couldn't give that to Amber anymore. But I can make my daughter feel that her dad and her mom consider her as their most important person in the world.

It really broke my heart when I see my sister crying last night. I understand the feeling. I know it's not right to say, "Hey, move on!" because I know for a fact that she will encounter more sleepless nights, a cup, or even a pail of tears, but in time, that will make her a better person, like I do. She will realize soon, that a failed relationship is not at all "failed" relationship, thus it will make you a stronger person as long as you believe that fate is given when God said you can still handle it.

New Post??

 Ok. New blog address to begin with.

I was about to have my first post yesterday. Unfortunately, my laptop crashed for some software that changes IP address. I had a whole day of transferring files manually from this laptop to another.

O yeah, I don't have a cable to do that.

I don't have an external driver here in Sucat.

And I only have an 8-gig USB card! Imagine, how I transfer files that should only contain less than 8 gig and transferred it from the other laptop - multiple times. :(

While I was on the Internet Explorer browser to download Firefox and Google Chrome, it gave me an impression of really not using it anymore - slow as my little turtle charm.

Nuff said, I have to introduce this new blog -- supposed to be the plan after all =D.

I have
my personal blog which I really couldn't manage. And doing this new blog site doesn't mean I will leave it just like the old one.

Moreover, the tab sections on top of it will give you an idea what this blog has to offer.

Happy Blogging!